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1.
What do you want me to tell you From the top of the mountain down to your message board What do you think I can sell you In the deal of the century everyone's striving toward Something you can put on your windshield Something you can put on your wall Something you can put on your tombstone when you're ready to fall You say you want a direction But I don't even know the point that you're starting from You need a perfect dissection But I don't even know myself much less everyone Something you can put on your shoulder Something you can put on your back Something that's the number one answer in your personal FAQ My intuition Is your decision My precision is nil But you're fishing still Visionaries fall out of trees Something you can write in your yearbook Something you can write in your stall Something you can write with a flourish Something you can write with a scrawl Something you live every day by Something guaranteed to enthrall Something I can't give you at all
2.
Strasbourg 04:44
When I said I loved you still We were floating down the Ill In a sentimental raft of our creation We still had our lives in tow We had nowhere left to go So we set our sights and sailed for the Alsatian That river led us straight Into the dancing plague That monkey fell from heaven And by the time we saw That city wouldn't thaw We said goodbye So we packed our stuff and ran Through a sea of shitty bands And our so-called friends went mute to our condition We never saw them after that We were never going back Til we made that little stop on our vacation That river turned to black And red from all the hacking That monkey died in heaven And when we saw his face Through the hail of lead and flame We said goodbye Strasbourg is fading away My passport is spreading the plague You two can take your dancing plague And your stinking choucroute to the lake Drown Strasbourg is fading away (on the plane) My passport is spreading the plague Strasbourg is fading away (in your grave) My passport is spreading the plague
3.
I met her on the subway, she asked me what I do I said that I sing in a band, and she said, "Hey, I do that too!" She said her band was playing at T.T.'s next Tuesday at 9:00 So I went out to see her, but I was in for a shock Now I'm no Pavarotti, but she was ten times worse And half the crowd had fled before she got through half a verse Well I don't want to insult her, but the girl ain't got no culture With a face like an angel and a voice like a vulture 'Cause she's a terrible singer, but she thinks she can sing With her voice alone she can cause untold suffering She asked me how I liked it, and I didn't say a thing She's a terrible, terrible singer, and she's mine Well the singing stuff was bad enough, but there was worse to come She painted with an arm that must have been completely numb She showed me this new landscape that she had just done with oils But it looked more like a meatloaf a couple days after it spoils 'Cause she's a terrible painter, but she thinks she can paint She thinks she's the next Picasso, but I can assure you that she ain't She asked me how I liked it, and I said, "I feel faint" She's a terrible, terrible painter, and she's mine I'm glad that she's the creative type And she expresses what's in her heart But I'd rather eat a plate of tripe Than take one more look at her art It was then that I made the worst mistake of my romantic career She said, "Do you want to read my new novel?" and I said, "Absolutely, dear" She said that of all her artistic endeavors she thought this one was the best So I sat down to read it, and I think you know the rest She's a terrible writer, but she thinks she can write Against her powers, grammar and spelling can't even put up a fight She asked me how I liked it, and I said it was all right She's a terrible, terrible writer, and she's mine She's a terrible sculptor, but she thinks she can sculpt If I had my way all her papier-mâché would immediately be pulped She asked me how I liked it, and I just smiled and gulped She's a terrible, terrible sculptor, and she's mine She's a terrible dancer, but she thinks she can dance She writhes around like someone just poured pudding down her pants She asked me if I'd join her, and I said, "Not a chance" She's a terrible, terrible dancer, and she's mine She's a terrible, terrible artist, and she's mine all mine
4.
There's something living There's something living There's something living in the fridge Now what's that cole slaw doing here? I thought we threw it out last year There's something moving There's something moving There's something moving in the fridge The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out They're dancing on the sauerkraut It's time to clean again Hold your nose and count to ten If it's over tell me when There's something growing There's something growing There's something growing in the fridge It could be meat, it could be cake I hope it isn't still awake It's time to fumi It's time to fumi It's time to fumigate the fridge Don't disturb that Tupperware You don't know what's been living inside there It's time to clean again Hold your nose and count to ten If it's over tell me when I like to put loud music on whenever I clean Today it's Weezer And when it's over I'll play Houses of the Holy as I Clean the freezer Ignore the fridge's taunt Baby you know what I want Let's go to a restaurant
5.
Armadillo 03:12
Armadillo came to town He walked the Front Street up and down He took the ferry through the sound Nary a single soul around Armadillo wants to stay with you tonight Armadillo wants to play with you tonight Armadillo made a friend He'll sit beside her til the end They'll watch the airplanes round the bend She'll have a sympathetic ear to lend Armadillo wants to stay with you tonight Armadillo wants to play with you tonight Armadillo wants to stow away tonight Armadillo had a dark and stormy night He came, he saw, he wondered why The rain, the water had gone too high The sand he saw was in the sky Armadillo wants to stow away tonight But Armadillo has to throw away the night Armadillo can't go home with you tonight Armadillo has to close the store tonight
6.
Bite Me 01:58
On the dotted line you asked me to sign With God as my witness Now you say it's moot, you're keeping the loot I guess it's just business If you play with knives then don't be surprised If sometimes it's you who will bleed Hey my friend, you've done it again Biting the hand that you feed When you wrote in ink it caused me to think That somehow you meant it Now you say it's shit and I must admit I kinda resent it If you always need to get what you want You won't always get what you need Hey my friend, you've done it again Biting the hand that you feed I'm gonna buy a bomb I'm gonna fry your mom You're gonna die at dawn Baby So I wish you well and please go to hell Good luck in your journey I'm done being conned so if you respond Talk to my attorney You became a fool when you broke the rule That you shouldn't eat where you peed Hey my friend, you've done it again Biting the hand that you feed Yes my friend, you're a one out of ten Biting the hand that you feed
7.
Triple Point 03:54
When we meet, when we kiss Don't be startled if I hiss I'm just air, I'm not there When I'm with you When I think of how you felt I can't do anything but melt Easy to pour, and I know you're Melting too It's just a phase and it could change But it's already lasted days and I'm already feeling strange I'm in a daze, I feel deranged I'm at a triple point, I'm not stable today If I freeze at your touch Don't interpret it too much I've got a past, it won't last Not for long Pretty soon, I can tell Everything is going to gel Not solid yet, but when it's set It'll be strong It's just a phase and it could change But it's already lasted days and I'm already feeling strange I'm in a daze, I feel deranged I'm at a triple point, I'm not stable today But oh, I feel sublime You sublimate me all the time Evaporating all my mind Incinerate me, I feel fine It's just a phase and it could change But it's already lasted days and I'm already feeling strange I'm in a daze, I feel deranged I'm at a triple point, I'm not stable today
8.
Giant Target 00:40
Never been to the moon before I barely made it past the corner store So I'm gonna take a rocket ship And I'm gonna take a rocket trip Gonna shoot myself into space Cause that stuff is all over the place I'm losing all control So if I'm gonna hit my goal I'm gonna need a Giant target Giant target Giant target The target is a metaphor the target is you Giant target Giant target Giant target The target is a metaphor the target is you
9.
You might think I'm creepy Then suddenly get weepy Girl you ought to know the reason why I'm a romance novel guy I'm a romance novel guy I'm a man of morals And superbly built pectorals And you haven't even seen my thigh I'm a romance novel guy I'm a romance novel guy I come from the highlands And mean you no violence But my manliness might make you cry You'll become speechless When I become breechless But I've got an airtight alibi I'm a romance novel guy I knew you were a goddess The moment I ripped your bodice If you see Darcy tell him I said hi He's a romance novel guy He's a romance novel guy I'm a romance novel guy We're both romance novel guys Romance novel guys
10.
Johnny Rambo 04:54
Intro - 'It's A Long Road' by Dan Hill This man is a hero Though he is misunderstood Passing through this shit town All he wanted was some food But that kingshit cop With that stupid mop Running through the forest Chased and falling through the trees They'll get what they paid for Rounding them up should be a breeze Cuz they drew first blood I hope this movie isn't a dud Come along Johnny Rambo Or should we call you Rocko? You're still a hero First there was Apollo Then along came Drago You're not expendable to me They wouldn't let you leave Now here's a war they won't believe Company leader calling Raven Come in Johnny This mission is over, Johnny Nothing is over, nothing You don't just up and turn it off You move on to the next town And hope they can help you give enough But they drew first blood I hope this movie isn't a dud Come along Johnny Rambo Or should we call you Rocko? You're not a zero First there was Apollo Then along came Drago You're not expendable to me They never let you leave Now here's a war you won't believe
11.
Flyer 03:25
I've got a lot to learn A lot of things to stick in my mind A lot of steam to burn A lot of offers I should decline I didn't mean to pry I only wondered why I never see you smile anymore You say it's different now But I don't see what you had to change So let me know somehow It shouldn't be too hard to arrange You never liked to say When things are not okay So here's another chance to fall asleep All right, okay, I know you say You've done it a million times Everybody picks up a flyer Everybody throws it away All right, okay, it's true, you say I'm guilty of all your crimes Everyone I know is a liar Everybody else is okay I know that everybody else is okay And so we drift away Another friend that you couldn't keep In time you'll rue the day If that admission isn't too steep So soon we'll say so long So sad we were so wrong So many times we could have said goodbye All right, okay, I know you say You've done it a million times Everybody picks up a flyer Everybody throws it away All right, okay, it's true, you say I'm guilty of all your crimes Everyone I know is on fire Everybody else is okay I know that everybody else is okay And I need time to think I've got time to think It's too much time to think All right, okay, I know you say You've done it a million times Everybody picks up a flyer Everybody throws it away All right, okay, it's true, you say I'm guilty of all your crimes Everyone I know's getting higher Everybody else is okay I know that everybody else is okay
12.
I'm A Guy 03:48
I don't ask for directions So don't go giving none to me I'm too frugal with affection I watch hockey on TV 'Cause I'm a guy I'm a guy, oh my What an incredible situation Fifty percent of the population Wearing a jacket and tie Let's hear it for the guy I'm afraid of commitment Though we've been going out for years We could talk about the future But I'd rather have some beers 'Cause I'm a guy I'm a guy, no lie What an incredible situation Fifty percent of the population With eighty percent of the pie Yeah, it's good to be a guy When you're a guy you can live like a king No need to try, you just take everything Isn't it fine Women and wine Now maybe I'm exaggerating What it's like to be a man I don't always act this stupid But I do the best I can 'Cause I'm a guy I'm a guy, oh my What an incredible situation Something deserving a proclamation Heard from the sea to the sky Let's hear it for Let's hear it for the guy
13.
I sat down across from you I didn't listen to the things you're telling me about tonight I could only stare at you I couldn't bring myself to think about the words you said tonight My needs are simple and clean My needs are simple and clean My needs are simple and clean My needs are simple and clean Shut your mouth and go to hell
14.
Father Octopus, lurking in the deep Father Octopus puts his baby octopus to sleep He's paying off his mortgage That octopus's garden isn't cheap
15.
Hammersmith 02:50
I know where I want to go and what to do All the things we'll see when I come back to you We'll make a plan and take the Tube Walk around, grab a few Find our way back Go down to the riverbed, to the bridge Cross it with me, and I'll cross it with you But now you're gone and I'm alone We want you back, we want you home But we're all on our own From Chiswick farm A Richmond train Negril rain From Acton Town To Brixton Tube We need you We'll ride down to Hammersmith, take the bus Set it afire and grind it to dust We'll throw some rocks and have some fun One for all, and all for one But we'll never be done From Chiswick farm A Richmond train Negril rain From Acton Town To Brixton Tube We need you We'll ride down to Hammersmith, to the bridge Cross it with me, and I'll cross it with you The river's gone, the bed is dry It won't be long, we said goodbye Call me from the other side
16.
Middle Age 03:20
Another year A bit more time I've been alive Days disappear Three hundred sixty five To be exact I'm still intact despite the changes I have seen I made a vow Death do us part, I'm yours until And even now I do adore you still I had a dream I woke in fear but you were there to comfort me If I could ask for anything I would say I wish that every day could be like today And it is, so hooray In middle age I see the future and the past And every page Is better than the last Let's go to bed Maybe I'm not as tired as I thought I was

credits

released September 3, 2013

Bill Foster: drums, vocals
Greg Huang: vocals, bass
Chris Rigopulos: guitar, vocals
Dan Schmidt: vocals, guitar, keyboard

Engineered and mixed by Rafi Sofer at Q Division

Mastered by Jeff Lipton at Peerless Mastering

Art Direction: Alphabet Arm Design

All songs ©2013 Dan Schmidt (ASCAP), except 2, 5, 10, 13, 15 © 2013 Greg Huang (ASCAP)

©℗ 2013 Zero Down Entertainment LLC, All Rights Reserved

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Honest Bob & the Factory-to-Dealer Incentives Boston, Massachusetts

Honest Bob and the Factory-to-Dealer Incentives are a rock-and-roll band founded in 1992 by four M.I.T. undergrads. The band has endured for more than 20 years, released four full length albums.

The band is known for its lyrical wit and quirky subject matter, including such topics as Noam Chomsky's linguistics theories, the Time Cube, the Heaven's Gate cult, and the Star Wars movies.
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