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Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Deal of the Century, Third Time's the Charm, Second & Eighteen, and It's Not As Bad As I'm Making It Sound.
1. |
Vision Statement
02:48
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What do you want me to tell you
From the top of the mountain down to your message board
What do you think I can sell you
In the deal of the century everyone's striving toward
Something you can put on your windshield
Something you can put on your wall
Something you can put on your tombstone when you're ready to fall
You say you want a direction
But I don't even know the point that you're starting from
You need a perfect dissection
But I don't even know myself much less everyone
Something you can put on your shoulder
Something you can put on your back
Something that's the number one answer in your personal FAQ
My intuition
Is your decision
My precision is nil
But you're fishing still
Visionaries fall out of trees
Something you can write in your yearbook
Something you can write in your stall
Something you can write with a flourish
Something you can write with a scrawl
Something you live every day by
Something guaranteed to enthrall
Something I can't give you at all
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2. |
Strasbourg
04:44
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When I said I loved you still
We were floating down the Ill
In a sentimental raft of our creation
We still had our lives in tow
We had nowhere left to go
So we set our sights and sailed for the Alsatian
That river led us straight
Into the dancing plague
That monkey fell from heaven
And by the time we saw
That city wouldn't thaw
We said goodbye
So we packed our stuff and ran
Through a sea of shitty bands
And our so-called friends went mute to our condition
We never saw them after that
We were never going back
Til we made that little stop on our vacation
That river turned to black
And red from all the hacking
That monkey died in heaven
And when we saw his face
Through the hail of lead and flame
We said goodbye
Strasbourg is fading away
My passport is spreading the plague
You two can take your dancing plague
And your stinking choucroute to the lake
Drown
Strasbourg is fading away (on the plane)
My passport is spreading the plague
Strasbourg is fading away (in your grave)
My passport is spreading the plague
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3. |
She's A Terrible Artist
03:56
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I met her on the subway, she asked me what I do
I said that I sing in a band, and she said, "Hey, I do that too!"
She said her band was playing at T.T.'s next Tuesday at 9:00
So I went out to see her, but I was in for a shock
Now I'm no Pavarotti, but she was ten times worse
And half the crowd had fled before she got through half a verse
Well I don't want to insult her, but the girl ain't got no culture
With a face like an angel and a voice like a vulture
'Cause she's a terrible singer, but she thinks she can sing
With her voice alone she can cause untold suffering
She asked me how I liked it, and I didn't say a thing
She's a terrible, terrible singer, and she's mine
Well the singing stuff was bad enough, but there was worse to come
She painted with an arm that must have been completely numb
She showed me this new landscape that she had just done with oils
But it looked more like a meatloaf a couple days after it spoils
'Cause she's a terrible painter, but she thinks she can paint
She thinks she's the next Picasso, but I can assure you that she ain't
She asked me how I liked it, and I said, "I feel faint"
She's a terrible, terrible painter, and she's mine
I'm glad that she's the creative type
And she expresses what's in her heart
But I'd rather eat a plate of tripe
Than take one more look at her art
It was then that I made the worst mistake of my romantic career
She said, "Do you want to read my new novel?" and I said, "Absolutely, dear"
She said that of all her artistic endeavors she thought this one was the best
So I sat down to read it, and I think you know the rest
She's a terrible writer, but she thinks she can write
Against her powers, grammar and spelling can't even put up a fight
She asked me how I liked it, and I said it was all right
She's a terrible, terrible writer, and she's mine
She's a terrible sculptor, but she thinks she can sculpt
If I had my way all her papier-mâché would immediately be pulped
She asked me how I liked it, and I just smiled and gulped
She's a terrible, terrible sculptor, and she's mine
She's a terrible dancer, but she thinks she can dance
She writhes around like someone just poured pudding down her pants
She asked me if I'd join her, and I said, "Not a chance"
She's a terrible, terrible dancer, and she's mine
She's a terrible, terrible artist, and she's mine all mine
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4. |
In The Fridge
03:34
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There's something living
There's something living
There's something living in the fridge
Now what's that cole slaw doing here?
I thought we threw it out last year
There's something moving
There's something moving
There's something moving in the fridge
The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out
They're dancing on the sauerkraut
It's time to clean again
Hold your nose and count to ten
If it's over tell me when
There's something growing
There's something growing
There's something growing in the fridge
It could be meat, it could be cake
I hope it isn't still awake
It's time to fumi
It's time to fumi
It's time to fumigate the fridge
Don't disturb that Tupperware
You don't know what's been living inside there
It's time to clean again
Hold your nose and count to ten
If it's over tell me when
I like to put loud music on whenever I clean
Today it's Weezer
And when it's over I'll play Houses of the Holy as I
Clean the freezer
Ignore the fridge's taunt
Baby you know what I want
Let's go to a restaurant
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5. |
Armadillo
03:12
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Armadillo came to town
He walked the Front Street up and down
He took the ferry through the sound
Nary a single soul around
Armadillo wants to stay with you tonight
Armadillo wants to play with you tonight
Armadillo made a friend
He'll sit beside her til the end
They'll watch the airplanes round the bend
She'll have a sympathetic ear to lend
Armadillo wants to stay with you tonight
Armadillo wants to play with you tonight
Armadillo wants to stow away tonight
Armadillo had a dark and stormy night
He came, he saw, he wondered why
The rain, the water had gone too high
The sand he saw was in the sky
Armadillo wants to stow away tonight
But Armadillo has to throw away the night
Armadillo can't go home with you tonight
Armadillo has to close the store tonight
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6. |
Bite Me
01:58
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On the dotted line you asked me to sign
With God as my witness
Now you say it's moot, you're keeping the loot
I guess it's just business
If you play with knives then don't be surprised
If sometimes it's you who will bleed
Hey my friend, you've done it again
Biting the hand that you feed
When you wrote in ink it caused me to think
That somehow you meant it
Now you say it's shit and I must admit
I kinda resent it
If you always need to get what you want
You won't always get what you need
Hey my friend, you've done it again
Biting the hand that you feed
I'm gonna buy a bomb
I'm gonna fry your mom
You're gonna die at dawn
Baby
So I wish you well and please go to hell
Good luck in your journey
I'm done being conned so if you respond
Talk to my attorney
You became a fool when you broke the rule
That you shouldn't eat where you peed
Hey my friend, you've done it again
Biting the hand that you feed
Yes my friend, you're a one out of ten
Biting the hand that you feed
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7. |
Triple Point
03:54
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When we meet, when we kiss
Don't be startled if I hiss
I'm just air, I'm not there
When I'm with you
When I think of how you felt
I can't do anything but melt
Easy to pour, and I know you're
Melting too
It's just a phase and it could change
But it's already lasted days and I'm already feeling strange
I'm in a daze, I feel deranged
I'm at a triple point, I'm not stable today
If I freeze at your touch
Don't interpret it too much
I've got a past, it won't last
Not for long
Pretty soon, I can tell
Everything is going to gel
Not solid yet, but when it's set
It'll be strong
It's just a phase and it could change
But it's already lasted days and I'm already feeling strange
I'm in a daze, I feel deranged
I'm at a triple point, I'm not stable today
But oh, I feel sublime
You sublimate me all the time
Evaporating all my mind
Incinerate me, I feel fine
It's just a phase and it could change
But it's already lasted days and I'm already feeling strange
I'm in a daze, I feel deranged
I'm at a triple point, I'm not stable today
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8. |
Giant Target
00:40
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Never been to the moon before
I barely made it past the corner store
So I'm gonna take a rocket ship
And I'm gonna take a rocket trip
Gonna shoot myself into space
Cause that stuff is all over the place
I'm losing all control
So if I'm gonna hit my goal I'm gonna need a
Giant target
Giant target
Giant target
The target is a metaphor the target is you
Giant target
Giant target
Giant target
The target is a metaphor the target is you
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9. |
Romance Novel Guy
02:20
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You might think I'm creepy
Then suddenly get weepy
Girl you ought to know the reason why
I'm a romance novel guy
I'm a romance novel guy
I'm a man of morals
And superbly built pectorals
And you haven't even seen my thigh
I'm a romance novel guy
I'm a romance novel guy
I come from the highlands
And mean you no violence
But my manliness might make you cry
You'll become speechless
When I become breechless
But I've got an airtight alibi
I'm a romance novel guy
I knew you were a goddess
The moment I ripped your bodice
If you see Darcy tell him I said hi
He's a romance novel guy
He's a romance novel guy
I'm a romance novel guy
We're both romance novel guys
Romance novel guys
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10. |
Johnny Rambo
04:54
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Intro - 'It's A Long Road' by Dan Hill
This man is a hero
Though he is misunderstood
Passing through this shit town
All he wanted was some food
But that kingshit cop
With that stupid mop
Running through the forest
Chased and falling through the trees
They'll get what they paid for
Rounding them up should be a breeze
Cuz they drew first blood
I hope this movie isn't a dud
Come along Johnny Rambo
Or should we call you Rocko?
You're still a hero
First there was Apollo
Then along came Drago
You're not expendable to me
They wouldn't let you leave
Now here's a war they won't believe
Company leader calling Raven
Come in Johnny
This mission is over, Johnny
Nothing is over, nothing
You don't just up and turn it off
You move on to the next town
And hope they can help you give enough
But they drew first blood
I hope this movie isn't a dud
Come along Johnny Rambo
Or should we call you Rocko?
You're not a zero
First there was Apollo
Then along came Drago
You're not expendable to me
They never let you leave
Now here's a war you won't believe
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11. |
Flyer
03:25
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I've got a lot to learn
A lot of things to stick in my mind
A lot of steam to burn
A lot of offers I should decline
I didn't mean to pry
I only wondered why
I never see you smile anymore
You say it's different now
But I don't see what you had to change
So let me know somehow
It shouldn't be too hard to arrange
You never liked to say
When things are not okay
So here's another chance to fall asleep
All right, okay, I know you say
You've done it a million times
Everybody picks up a flyer
Everybody throws it away
All right, okay, it's true, you say
I'm guilty of all your crimes
Everyone I know is a liar
Everybody else is okay
I know that everybody else is okay
And so we drift away
Another friend that you couldn't keep
In time you'll rue the day
If that admission isn't too steep
So soon we'll say so long
So sad we were so wrong
So many times we could have said goodbye
All right, okay, I know you say
You've done it a million times
Everybody picks up a flyer
Everybody throws it away
All right, okay, it's true, you say
I'm guilty of all your crimes
Everyone I know is on fire
Everybody else is okay
I know that everybody else is okay
And I need time to think
I've got time to think
It's too much time to think
All right, okay, I know you say
You've done it a million times
Everybody picks up a flyer
Everybody throws it away
All right, okay, it's true, you say
I'm guilty of all your crimes
Everyone I know's getting higher
Everybody else is okay
I know that everybody else is okay
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12. |
I'm A Guy
03:48
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I don't ask for directions
So don't go giving none to me
I'm too frugal with affection
I watch hockey on TV
'Cause I'm a guy
I'm a guy, oh my
What an incredible situation
Fifty percent of the population
Wearing a jacket and tie
Let's hear it for the guy
I'm afraid of commitment
Though we've been going out for years
We could talk about the future
But I'd rather have some beers
'Cause I'm a guy
I'm a guy, no lie
What an incredible situation
Fifty percent of the population
With eighty percent of the pie
Yeah, it's good to be a guy
When you're a guy you can live like a king
No need to try, you just take everything
Isn't it fine
Women and wine
Now maybe I'm exaggerating
What it's like to be a man
I don't always act this stupid
But I do the best I can
'Cause I'm a guy
I'm a guy, oh my
What an incredible situation
Something deserving a proclamation
Heard from the sea to the sky
Let's hear it for
Let's hear it for the guy
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13. |
Simple & Clean
03:50
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I sat down across from you
I didn't listen to the things you're telling me about tonight
I could only stare at you
I couldn't bring myself to think about the words you said tonight
My needs are simple and clean
My needs are simple and clean
My needs are simple and clean
My needs are simple and clean
Shut your mouth and go to hell
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14. |
Father Octopus
00:54
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Father Octopus, lurking in the deep
Father Octopus puts his baby octopus to sleep
He's paying off his mortgage
That octopus's garden isn't cheap
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15. |
Hammersmith
02:50
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I know where I want to go and what to do
All the things we'll see when I come back to you
We'll make a plan and take the Tube
Walk around, grab a few
Find our way back
Go down to the riverbed, to the bridge
Cross it with me, and I'll cross it with you
But now you're gone and I'm alone
We want you back, we want you home
But we're all on our own
From Chiswick farm
A Richmond train
Negril rain
From Acton Town
To Brixton Tube
We need you
We'll ride down to Hammersmith, take the bus
Set it afire and grind it to dust
We'll throw some rocks and have some fun
One for all, and all for one
But we'll never be done
From Chiswick farm
A Richmond train
Negril rain
From Acton Town
To Brixton Tube
We need you
We'll ride down to Hammersmith, to the bridge
Cross it with me, and I'll cross it with you
The river's gone, the bed is dry
It won't be long, we said goodbye
Call me from the other side
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16. |
Middle Age
03:20
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Another year
A bit more time I've been alive
Days disappear
Three hundred sixty five
To be exact
I'm still intact despite the changes I have seen
I made a vow
Death do us part, I'm yours until
And even now
I do adore you still
I had a dream
I woke in fear but you were there to comfort me
If I could ask for anything I would say
I wish that every day could be like today
And it is, so hooray
In middle age
I see the future and the past
And every page
Is better than the last
Let's go to bed
Maybe I'm not as tired as I thought I was
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Honest Bob & the Factory-to-Dealer Incentives Boston, Massachusetts
Honest Bob and the Factory-to-Dealer Incentives are a rock-and-roll band founded in 1992 by four M.I.T. undergrads. The band
has endured for more than 20 years, released four full length albums.
The band is known for its lyrical wit and quirky subject matter, including such topics as Noam Chomsky's linguistics theories, the Time Cube, the Heaven's Gate cult, and the Star Wars movies.
... more
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